hate list

And now, for nobody's pleasure but my own, I would like to present another small sampling of some things that I hate:

Estimating.  I can't do it, and I refuse to believe that anyone else can.  The mere thought of estimating (or guesstimating or giving a ballpark figure or any of its foul brethren) makes my skin crawl.  Don't ask me how long something takes, or how tall it is, or how far away it is.  I don't know!  Stop asking all these questions!

Prepubescent facial hair.  Watching Sanjaya on American Idol the other night really hammered this one home.  Nothing is more repellent than the wispy upper lip fur of the prepubescent male (AKA, My First Mustache).  It's like a puppy--but a really gross, sore-covered one--vomited some of its fur onto the offender's face.  And then licked it and smeared it around so that it formed a haphazard pattern of fine, downy hairs.  And vomit. Clearly, this abomination should be unequivocally banned in all nations. 

Prepubescent anything, really.  Like, you know, prepubescent female breast buds.  They're like little, awkward volcanoes just waiting to erupt into something unholy.  Ew.

People who are uncomfortable in their own skin.  Awkward, awkward, awkward.  I can't even be around them.  They make me feel uncomfortable, and that's just not fair.  Stop trying to cover up your lack of confidence with a "wacky" personality and too much smiling/joke cracking/painfully fake laughter.   Also, stop growing facial hair and breast buds.  They're really not helping the situation.

Tresemme Hydrology hair care products.  I don't even know if this exists anymore, but whenever I saw (or even thought about) their commercial, I would fly into a rage.  It actually said, "Hydrology: hydro for water, ology for science."  WTF!?   Ology for science!?  Who thinks this is ok?  Aside from being a completely retarded pile of pseudo-scientific hoohah, this marketing plan does a tremendous disservice to the noble field of hydrology--which is, as everyone knows, "the study of the movement, distribution, and quality of water throughout the Earth."  Jerks.

Bad posture.  Do you know how ugly you look right now?  Slouching, hunched shoulders, and forward-jutting hips are flattering on no one.  Unless you're trying to do haute couture pose on America's Next Top Model in order to counteract your overwhelming commercialness/ too-skeezy-to-be-anything-but-a-Maxim-or -car-magazine-model-ness.  I understand that you're tall for a woman and/or lacking confidence and/or ugly and/or shy and/or generally a mess, but, please, for the sake of my poor, poor eyes--stand up straight, square your shoulders, and know that you are, in fact, worthy of a human being's posture.

Low-carb ice cream, candy, etc.  Come on people.  We all know that this tastes like crap.  What's the point, I ask you?  Do you really want to compromise the flavor, consistency, and mouthfeel of your sweet treat just so you can fit into your acid washed skinny jeans?  I certainly don't want you to.  Either eat a controlled portion of the real thing or don't eat it at all.  Or eat an uncontrolled portion of the real thing, and then be okay with it.  Sometimes we all need a little bingey-binge. 

Comments

[The Sister]

OMG! I hate ALSO estimating!!