[Please sing the title of this post to the tune of "Tradition" from Fiddler on the Roof.]
As we all know, I don't like a lot of people. Or things. Or people.
But did you know that I'm also suspicious of people? This might be the same thing as dislike; I'm not really sure. Maybe it's dislike's second cousin or something. At any rate, I reserve a special adjective for certain people that make me think, "Hm. That's just not quite right." And that adjective is...suspicion! Suspicioooooooooooooooooooon! Suspicion!
Okay, enough Jewing it up. I'm suspicious of the following people:
People who don't like chocolate. Now this just seems wrong. Right? Who doesn't like chocolate? It's
just plain un-American. Or un-Mesoamerican, would be more accurate I suppose. I guess it's just because I love chocolate so very much...I cannot fathom someone not liking it at all or even being like, "Chocolate? Meh." I'm actually good friends with a few people like this, and I actually have to consciously not think about their dislike of chocolate in order to hang out with them. Okay, I just made that last part up, but I definitely don't like thinking about their lack of taste. Suspicion!
Republicans, and especially minority Republicans.
As Ian pointed out to me once, conservatives always accuse liberals of being too idealistic--but it's really those fuckers who are off living in lala land! 
Case in point: abstinence only sex education. If that's not basing policy on wishful thinking, I don't what is. I could go on and on here, but I guess my basic point is that most Republicans seem to have a very selfish, fucked up, people-hating view of the world. Although part of me understands that there are some very intelligent people who also happen to be Republican, another part of me is skeptical as to how far that intelligence actually extends...And as for all you gay, female, non-white elephants out
there--you're fucking idiots. Way to support an ideology that does nothing but keep your asses down. Just, really--way to go. Suspicion!
People who actually liked high school. What? Seriously? The only people who enjoyed their time in
high school were complete douchebags. I can maybe forgive a little nostalgic fondness. But not really. Suspicion!
Religious people. You're crazy. Regardless of your denomination, you believe in some weird ass shit. This is another one of those ones where I "know" that there are some really smart people who belong in this category, but then I also know--like, really and truly know--that there has to be something wrong going on there...I am baffled by most people most of the time, but this one is probably the number one bafflementizer/suspicionizator on the list. WTF? I really feel I must say this again: You. Are. Crazy. Suspicion!
People who regularly eat at chain restaurants. My boss--a very nice man--is one of these people. He
always talks about how he likes to support local businesses, but then his favorite restaurants include Denny's and Red Robin. Now that's just fucking suspicious, no? I'm pretty sure that I've complained about this before, but I'm too lazy to find the actual post...So I'll keep this short and sweet: The food is crappy, overpriced, and bad for your community. So just don't eat there, okay? Okay. Suspicion!
Dog People, or really overzealous Cat People. Do I really even need to go into this again? Nope. Suspicion/extreme hatred!
Yeah. I think that'll do 'er for now.
now sarah, i know that you are smarter and funnier, but sometimes i wonder if we are identical twins (i know...suspicious...add that to your list,) separated by a few years and a many miles. I couldn't agree more (with the exception of dog people.) There are a few I like.
Posted by: joby | July 14, 2007 at 10:16 PM
sarah, i agree wholeheartedly with the dog people thing. i just don't understand them at all. but i must say i am afraid you would be awfully suspicious of me as well. i don't like chocolate, really. if i could choose btw a chocolate bar and an apple, i would seriously choose the apple. mmm. or the chocolate apple, whatevs.
Posted by: amanda-faye | July 26, 2007 at 08:57 PM
i'm suspicious of people who love tamari on corn with cheese. i will always choose fried-salty over chocolate. always.
Posted by: ncblf | July 28, 2007 at 05:37 PM
i'm suspicious of people who love tamari on corn with cheese. i will always choose fried-salty over chocolate. always.
Posted by: ncblf | July 28, 2007 at 05:37 PM
i'm suspicious of people who love tamari on corn with cheese. i will always choose fried-salty over chocolate. always.
Posted by: ncblf | July 28, 2007 at 05:38 PM